New Year's Resolutions

In class Sunday, Keith asked us what our resolutions would be this year, if anything we'd covered in class might be influencing some changes with respect to our teens. My first response was that I usually don't do New Year's resolutions because a choice to make a change should be done anytime during the year. As the discussions unfolded, I started seeing some merit in making intentional, thoughtful changes in the interactions with my teens, so here goes.

My first thought was the changes in how I help them cope with their AD/HD and teaching them the skills they need to compensate. Now that we have completed formal evaluations on both of the children, I have a clearer picture of what makes them who they are. I can see now that organization and a plan for academic prep is their biggest struggle. While Keith may say "that's teenager", I have been shown by the testing that this is much more pronounced in both our kids. We have to approach this with intention to equip them now to handle this in order that they may have fewer stumbling blocks down the road.

But other things that the class was sharing has equal importance. Intentional teaching of life skills (cooking, cleaning, caring for themselves) things that we have put on the "back burner" for way too long. Intentionally engaging them in conversations about the things they value, spend time doing. Intentionally engaging them in conversations about their spiritual walk, struggles, and concerns.

As it would be, God started us on this last one yesterday. Cait was wondering if Mary, Judas, and Peter had choices. Did Mary have the choice not to conceive Jesus? Did Judas have a choice not to betray Jesus? Did Peter have a choice not to deny Jesus? If so, and they had made other choices, then how would things have turned out?

What a great way to start these resolutions!!!

pics from our day!

Our first Christmas in our new home! The tree is slightly "undone" but only I would notice the difference so it's ok. The kids were excited to FINALLY have a fireplace to hang stockings so we HAD to get new ones this year. I let them pick and went from there with the rest of the mantle decorations. (Rick's had to be place on the floor because his hanger was damaged in a slight "mishap!!) We had our first fire later that day with real wood - the kids' choice as well.

The pic of the kids is their reaction to opening tickets for the four of us to see "Trans-Siberian Orchestra" in concert New Year's Eve!!! They are both HUGE fans and were excited to discover they INDEED had tickets to go!

A hurry to a quiet Christmas

Well, the cleaning all done, the baking, etc finished and the BIG family event come and gone!!! All and all - this was a good time! I did get all my goodies made, but the tree did not quite get finished. It is up and mostly decorated but 2 of the 4 strands of lights have gone out and no one was ever up to putting the finishing touches on (popcorn/cranberry garland, tinsel, etc) I just resigned my self to let it go.

We had a great time with Rick's family - all 37 people in our house for about 8 hrs Saturday. Many comments on the goodies I added to the myriad of treats that were brought (we are a CoC family, so we KNOW how the 'pot luck"!!) We also received several odd comments on the fact that we have no tv in the living area! Several were stunned that we could do that.

Our extensive counter space allowed for great buffet area - my breakfast bar was FULL of sweets and desserts. There was an abundance of food and family but it was a great time too. It was so good to have Josh with us again. Even better to have alot of us together the next day for his baptism. As Rick said, he has been on a journey - what a great way to celebrate the start of a new journey.

With all the major hustle and bustle building up to the family event, the preparation for our own Christmas celebration was a little quieter. I was absolutely worn out, so the slower pace was very welcomed. I made one trip to take care of the last of the errands, but then we just simply spent a quiet evening at home - just the four of us. As Cait nears graduation, I am fully aware that these times are becoming very precious. We didn't do anything spectacular - we were just quiet and together, both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

We expect to have my parents here Thurs-Sat for their Christmas visit. Rick is at work and the kids and I are just being lazy together. That's a nice place to be given the general state of hurriedness that overtakes us most of the time.

I hope your Christmas was a good time with friends and family - as it should be.

Christmas Vacation!!!

One of the best perks of working for an educational institution - time off at Christmas!! I am now on vacation until Jan 2nd!!! I am on leave this coming week, then the university has us on holiday the remaining time. Not a bad deal - use 5 days leave and be gone from work 21/2 weeks!!!!

This year, Rick & I are much further along in the Christmas game than I think we have EVER been in 20 years!! Most of the shopping is already done, and we have started the wrapping, too. We are getting the tree (real-Frazier Fir) tomorrow so all will be completely decorated by Monday. Since our history is to be finishing in a MAD DASH Christmas eve, I'd say we're in good shape!!

The other events of the season - Wednesday is our 20th wedding anniversary (still difficult to fathom). Then Thursday Sean is bringing kids home from school and having an "open ended" party for his 14th. Rick and I are night-owls, so we have not set a specific time limit. I think the kids will fizzle out before we do!!

This year we will be hosting Rick's family for the Christmas get together Saturday, Dec 22. At last count, 30+ folks in the house for the day!!!! I get overwhelmed at times, but I think it will be fun to have family over for the first time (never had the room - and may not now!!!) But there is definitely more room than ever before, so we're taking the plunge.

Having guests in your home is a GREAT motivator to getting things straightened up at the house. Since some of Rick's family has never seen the house AND since there will be so many, we are REALLY cleaning up so that the whole house can be opened and available.

I am REALLY looking forward to this time!!!

Cait's testing

We had our appointment Tuesday to meet with the psychologist and go over her test results. We are waiting on the final written document, but basically, most of what we knew was confirmed - Cait is gifted and AD/HD (inattentive). Her struggles in school can be directly related to organization and study skills deficiencies - she has the intellect just does not know how to take the info and manage details when tested on them.

One thing I brought to this meeting with me was Cait's ACT scores. I had intentionally asked her not to prepare. With her AD/HD, I wanted to know "what's your base-line ability?" knowing she could always retake it. Well the doctor was surprised at this when I showed the results of a 27 composite. It only strengthened her assessment of Cait. Intellectually, she was more than capable of doing much better in school - NOW we are going to address what is holding her back.

Cait had actually been encouraged by ACT scores, making plans to study and retake Fall '08. I think getting her organizational and study skills in better tune before then will also strengthen her confidence. I've seen glimmers of "Oh, now this all makes sense..." but things will be much clearer once the skills are in place.

Overwhelmed!

As I was drafting my last post, I discovered that a sweet family at church is dealing with health and wellness crisis to the point of their 12 mth old being admitted to the hospital. My heart was filled with compassion for them - how little are my issues when they are dealing with the physical health of one so little, so helpless. I thought "Surely I can run some soup by their house, drop off some puzzle book or gum or something to the hospital for the mom." Just a little way of letting this sweet young family know they were not in this alone. No long term, drawn out affair - just a sign to let them know that others were there. My life is not so busy that I could not spare a few minutes for compassion to others.

As it turned out, that was not to take place. As I was putting on some ingredients to start some soup, I realized I had missed a call on my cell. A call from another young mother asking that I not do these things. The family was being taken care of - to "just pray, pray, pray". My first reaction was purely selfish - "but I want to help, only for a moment, just to step outside of my world, my own selfishness, even for a moment."

So often over the last several years, I have felt completely consumed by all the drama that seems to take place in my life. I find it difficult to even explain the fullness of the upheaval. I have felt isolated by my world of chaos, so consumed by these problems that I have managed to disconnect my emotions from the other hurt that goes on in this world. Then this prick of compassion for the hurt of this young mother and all the drama taking place in her world - I understood this. I understood the overwhelming emotions such chaos could bring. I also understood the helplessness that can evolve. For once, after such a long time, I looked outwardly, to another's pain and had the desire to reach out.

Now, almost 24 hrs later, I am still wanting to reach out, but I will abide by what I have been asked to do. I will continue to pray for healing of this precious little one, as I have done since I found out. There is a part of me that yearns to reach out, but I will respect the request that was made of me. I feel so overwhelmed and helpless, in my own world, and now in this outwardly moment.

Please pray for this young family and the strength of those that are tending to them.

Please pray

Well, it seems like we take two steps forward then fall flat on our backsides!

Just as things were picking up with the kids schooling, getting MUCH better with Rick's work, etc we had a major backslide this week. Sean's behavior escalated from lying, to inappropriate language at school (resulting in a one day suspension), to physically hitting his sister with drumsticks that were in his hand because he got angry.

Please pray that God will continue to guide us in dealing with this (as he has thus far). Sean is a GREAT kid at heart, but is in utter turmoil. He is very remorseful for all that has gone on in the last week, which we are very greatful to see, but at a total loss as to why it happened. He is AD/HD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). He is impulsive, and his anger overwhelms him so that he reacts without any thought about the outcome. His heart aches if he dwells on what he did to his sister. He is remorseful that his words were so awfully interpreted at school. To know that our trust in him is damaged is hurtful.

Keith recommended we surround him with men of even temper to mentor him - teenage boys need so much guidance. I love this idea, but I fear that Sean will be too embarrassed to agree - he is so ashamed of what he has done. Please pray that he will open himself to this wisdom and guidance.

How do I teach this two-sided being that is my child - loves to hug (even now), kind and courteous to even the smallest of beings, but acts so rashly and is so blinded by anger that he is completely the opposite? He wants to obey, but struggles with understanding boundaries and limitations.

Please keep him (and us) in your prayers. Pray that his relationship with his sister can be repaired. Pray that we can hear God's wisdom in his guidance for us as parents.

Is there a Santa conflict??

I guess I missed all the conflict over Santa vs. Christ as a child. Now, let me preface this by saying I was raised Catholic, but not in the strictest sense (my mother converted from Episcopal).

I guess Santa was just fluff for us. We always had a nativity scene (or two) on display at the house, we always attend mid-night mass Christmas eve (I still love that celebration - it always touches me deep)
I guess for me, they have always managed to stay seperate. We never got much into "going to see Santa", we didn't decorate much with figures of Santa, but we did do the stockings and watch the classic cartoon movies, as well as "Miracle on 34th St", etc. We just downplayed in all, I guess.

We have done the same in our home now. Santa is a side issue, "window dressing". Empasizing the things about the season that matter, and simply not acknowledging the secular aspects.
Now that my kids are older, I've come to accept that I can not control what society does, or does not do. My only prayer is for the strength and discernment from God to equip my children with the foundation of strong Christian values in hopes that this will sustain them as they are exposed to the non-Christian world.

I do not know if we have done a complete job of this, but we keep trying. Every so often, we see glimmers of their faith shining thru in moments of secular exposure. It gives us strength to keep working at teaching them, strengthening their foundation, and praying for God's hand to guide us.

I just don't see the conflict.

A Season of Thanks

It's the day after Thanksgiving and my list of things for which I am thankful seems endless. I tend to look over the last year to review all the changes, all the things that have remained or gotten better. Wow! It's been a great year.

In February 2007, Rick and I decided to "take the plunge" and look for a much needed larger house. We (or should I say I) had crunched the numbers and we felt we could afford this change. We met with our Realtor at 1pm and by 5pm WE WERE SIGNING A CONTRACT on a house in the process of being built!! Wow! A new house - and all the details had already been decided (we did select appliances - all NEW). We closed March 30th.

Since the kids are AD/HD, the idea of disrupting their world was discomforting to say the least (probably mostly to me). I felt the best thing was to keep life as normal as possible, until the last moment. The night before closing, I boxed up the kitchen - they were both disoriented the next morning getting ready for school. Ok, so we'd factored in 2-3 months to "sort thru" as we moved from the old and into the new (everything would be "put in place" as we moved it in.)

Well, that was the plan. We discovered that Rick's brother needed to move out of his mom's house (no surprise there) and they asked if they could "rent-to-own" our place. Well, we'd planned on selling, the equity would pay off some debts, but if the mortgage, etc was covered, we thought helping them out would be good as long as they understood the process of getting out would be slow. Things changed, and they needed in earlier than we'd planned - May 1st, only giving us 30 days - not near enough time to "clear out smoothly". Things were just piled into the garage ot the new house

Then we discovered the kids GPAs had dropped so much in school, they had lost their spot to return to Magnet (despite trying to get 504 plans in place). We decided to launch a legal appeal, which took MOST of our spare time during the summer (so much for "unpacking"). The possibility of needing to place BOTH the kids in private schools was very disconcerting given our financial situation.

This was the same time we realized the financial strain of not selling the old house. Their purchase in May 2008 could not come soon enough. Then they realized they needed to take care of other things and would not be able to buy the house as planned. I was starting to have regrets, but we realized their need was greater, and relieving their mother of their dwelling responsibility was greater than our need for a little more financial comfort (we refigured, and cut a few more things).

But all was not bad - we won BOTH appeals (with LOTS of legal input from friends, etc). The kids were going back to Magnet schools.

All this while the strain of Rick's job grew almost daily. Now with the new house and financial issues, simply walking out was not an option. God granted Rick the reward for his patience and loyalty - Rick's last day with Regions was Oct 31, 2007. He has started a new job and absolutely loves it - the peace from loss of stress is an amazing thing.

Now, we have enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner in our new home with Rick's mother and 2 grandmothers. The kids are anxiously awaiting the time to start decorating for Christmas. I finally hung some pictures Monday (only 7 1/2 months later). I have not been able to do the decorating I would have liked to due to financial constrains, but we are enjoying the space. The "unclutter" has been great for their peace of mind - their 1st report cards were 3.0 (Cait) and 3.5 (Sean) - MUCH improved from last year. So I guess the garage unpacking can just take it's time if this is the benefit!!!

A new house, better GPA's, a new job, less stress!!! God has shown his presence in our lives over and over again in the last year. What more could a girl want!!!

God spoke

Have you ever had a moment when you were absolutely certain that God was putting words in your mouth? A time when you had no doubt that God was using your mouth to speak to another person? Well, let's just say "I got used!!"

Last night there was a situation that needed to be addressed with Cait as she and I returned from Auburn. My nature is to "take control" and "because I said so" type arguments. Well that is not what happened at all. I felt the need to confront Cait about how a friendship was playing out. I felt that they were being "secretive" over things that were miniscule. My nature would have taken the interaction to a level that just simply drove a wedge between she and I. But as I opened my mouth, those were not the words that came out. There was no forethought about what was being said - words just kept spilling out. I was almost in shock at the whole thing, but didn't let on - the words kept on coming.

The more I spoke in those uncharacteristics words, the more Cait opened up to me. Guess what the BIG SECRET was??? Her friend was not a Christian and my sweet child thought that would make me angry. She cared for this other child, understood she had "issues" and felt compelled to befriend her to let her know she was special. Somehow in our lives together, my sweet child thought I would reject the friendship if I knew the other child felt completely uncomfortable with us at church, that she was not a Christian. Where did she EVER get that impression?? I have no idea.

God gently spoke to Cait about the fact that Christians can't very well spread the Word if we only befriend Christians. God comforted her by saying her compassion for this child is exactly what being a Christian is all about. God also reminded her that she needs to keep herself in His Word so that when situations with this child arise where someone needs to behave like a Christian, she will be strong and be able to show her faith in Him by her actions.

Where did all that come from?? As I relayed the story to Rick, I repeatedly said "Those aren't my words, that was ALL God."

Let's just say, I was very humbled by the experience and greatful that God siezed the chance to prevent me from doing something stupid!

New job....

Rick started his new job Monday with some nerves along with the anticipation of moving away from the past. I usally am not up until after they leave, but awoke to him standing at the bathroom mirror, working on his tie, starting over again. Rick....in a tie!!!!

For the last 10 yrs, Rick has worn golf shirts, khaki or jeans. But there he stood in a freshly ironed shirt (he ironed, not me!) working on getting his tie "just right". Funny thing is, by 10 am, the CFO told him to ditch the tie!!!! They are more relaxed there but Rick is trying to start off taking his wardrobe up a notch. And he's having fun, too!!!

So far, he's gone out to eat every day and someone else has picked up the tab-----Nice! He has a big meeting today, the Trustees, etc are in town - lunch at the Capital City Club! All this and he was told to order new office furniture, and a new laptop (the old desktop died Tuesday!!) What a great position for a "techie"!!!!

He's having fun and looking forward to going to work now (what a GREAT place, mentally, to be!)

As for the kids, we decided to have Cait go thru all the psychological testing for her ADHD. We had Sean do the full battery of testing in 2005, but Cait had only been diagnosed by parent/teacher surveys, etc. She needed to be off meds, so she had 3 appointments yesterday to get them all done in one day. We shall see.

What a weekend!

Our weekend sorta started Wednesday at 4:30pm when Rick became officially unemployed (at least until 8am this morning). I struggled with not giving him a "honey do" list, but he ended up with a list anyway since he really wanted to have his cousin over while she was still in town (after the funeral). He had certain things he wanted done before she came and that would be either of the three evenings or Sunday lunch. We were "on stand by" most of the weekend.

It turned out to be a simple Sunday evening gathering - chili for supper and a half game of "hand and foot" (card game). We had a sort of "epiphany" once we said our good-byes. "We should do this more often, it's fun and the house looks GREAT!"

Odd thing was, both the kids were good most of the weekend. Sean was preoccupied with a computer game he "vowed" he would complete and disruptions to that task created animosity, but the job got done (sort of). Cait on the otherhand was a phenominal help - at every turn coming as I called her and doing whatever task I lay before her. I have my child back (for now).

Robyn, if you read this, she is VERY excited about having a session with you next summer. We even talked about one aunt doing her hair (she cuts our hair on occasions), another for make-up (she sells Mary Kay) and another for wardrobe (she has bought Cait clothes since day 1). Odd to me that this child, who HATES her picture taken is actually looking forward to this with anticipation!!!!!

I am learning to "go with the flow" these days and savor the good times!

Ahhh, Another weekend!

Well, I am glad to see this weekend get here. It's been an odd week for us and I'm ready to get back to the "somewhat" normal existance.

We had another issue with Cait (this one centering around "You just don't understand me") Glad to be informed by my teenage daughter that I don't know what it's like to be a teenage girl!! In discussing it with Rick, I used this analogy (tell me what you think):

It's like trying to grab a bull by the horns and force it to do what YOU want it to do! It can't happen without someone (probably you) getting hurt (i.e. trampled). Cowboys somehow have managed for years to get the cattle across plains, into a corral, and into single pens. They have let the animal run "free" but gently guided it in the direction of the cowboy's will. It's a win-win - freedom to run, control over the direction!! This is what a parent of a teen face this same delimma. Can it be solved the same way?

How can we let her think she is running free, all the while guiding her in the direction of our will?

We presented our plan to her last night, she was agreeable to all. We shall see.

Another of Life's passages

Today we celebrate the life of Rick's great-aunt, Lucile Hinson. Rick has been asked to lead singing at the funeral, something perhaps that had been expected his father would be here to do. It's been almost 3 yrs since Dick left us, but the heart is still tender to the loss. It's odd how this passage of Lucile's life has brought Rick to a passage in his own. Somewhere he was sent 3 yrs ago, but a path that he can no longer deny he must tread.

Rick has always seemed comfortable in the shadows of his father's lead of the family. Being the oldest, he was never in a rush to "be in charge". It's been odd to be an "outsider" to his childhood, only to imagine the "big brother" that he was then (and is now) - quiet, unassuming, gentle, unless the forbidden line is crossed. Dick always led singing, led the family in prayer at our various gatherings, guardian of the "code" that must be followed. That baton was passed to Rick 3 yrs ago at our first family Christmas together after Dick passed away. Rick hesitated, allowing for one of his brother's to take the lead, perhaps. But they made it clear they knew Rick was owner of that baton by their gesture - he was expected to now lead the family in prayer before our meal together.

That baton has been there ever since, but Rick has yet to take ownership of it. He has held it graciously, always making sure the others knew he would share it if they desired. But every time, they make it clear who is now the leader of the family - they look to Rick every time.

A new passage for him, undeniable now, that he must take the lead, be the leader - a role he assumes with great humility and much respect for his predecessor. And so this day's celebration of a passage of "Aint Seel" to be with her savior, we acknowledge another of life's passages for Rick.

Timing is Everything

Ok, I decided to start my own blogspot Thursday, and Saturday my world went topsy-turvy!! Coinsidence - I think not!! I guess God knew I was going the need a way to start sharing my world with the outside.

Case in point - Sean is currently running in a circle around the loveseat I am sitting on, chasing the dog, laughing and singing a made up song "Ha, ha, I have a hammer!" gleefully as he wields the hammer over his head, trotting after the dog. Then Rick enters from the bedroom, clears his throat, and simply says "alright, it's time to go to bed" (it's 9:30pm) Please note this is my 13 (soon to be 14 year old) ADHD son. Life is strange to say the least.

But let's back up alittle. Friday, I took the day off so that I could go to Auburn to help Rick's sister with the last cleaning after moving out of her house before she closed on the sale that afternoon. Fairly uneventful day, nice to be with his sister, and she treated me to a late lunch before I headed back to Montgomery.

Saturday, Cait was scheduled to take the ACT in the morning, so Rick thought he'd take her then use that time to clean out his cubicle at Regions since Wednesday is his last day. He called about 10am to tell me his Great Aunt Lucille had been taken to the hospital after a bad fall - it did not look good. He called back about 10:40 to say she had passed away. Weird thing is, I am having trouble feeling sadness - Lucille was a great Christian lady, good wife to Ed and wonderful mother to Shirley. She had lived a very good life of almost 90 years. She has finally achieved what she lived her life for - to be home with her Savior. I can not find sorrow in that. When I asked the kids today if they wanted to be at the funeral, Sean expressed the same dilemma.

We spent the afternoon doing housework (ok, Rick and I did housework). Cait made plans to attend a school play with a friend (another story) so Rick, Sean and I visited Shirley that evening. All was fairly good until about 5 minutes from home, we start getting this "He hit me, she hit me" argument erupting from the back seat. I guess that was more than either of us could take and before it could be settled, Rick ended up pulling the car over. Childish immature behavior you'd expect from preshoolers, but these are my teenagers. It goes on (what seems to be) constantly! Punishments, spankings, loss of privileges, every parenting consequences I've ever heard of have been tried, evidently to absolutely no avail. It's exacerbating and exhausting.

At this point, I'm not even really sure the exact steps that evolved into the final outcome (and they would take too much time, anyway) Let's just say that this event put Cait and I on a toe-to-toe path that ended up with her door being taken of the hinges and removed (slamming the door consequence), loss of internet, phone, and temporary loss of her laptop (she needs it for school, so hard to make that permanent).

Today, Rick and Sean were gone for 1st service before Cait and I needed to be up for bible class. She was her typical "I'm too tired" self getting up, and dragging getting to church, but no animosity, just fatigue. She came to the sound booth to "work" her shift as always, playing with the kids as soon as church was out. When called, she came and home we went. Satan had released his hold on my child and there she was, as though all was well with the world, no evidence of the last 24 hrs events.

Some might find this to be a good thing, I find it disconcerting - along with this, there also seems to be no remorse, no understanding of bad choices that were made. She remember the consequences - her door was re-hung about an hour after we got home. Another punishment was she had to clean my car, she did begrudgingly (as any teenager would) but not in angry resentment. She has interacted with us today as her normal self - this is SO bizarre. She knows what happened, but behaves in a way that seems disconnected to it all. .I remember being angry with my parents, giving them the silent treatment - even when I knew I was wrong, supposedly punishing them for punishing me. Not Cait - she is currently taking her shower, humming a tune, enjoying the end of her day as she does most every day. (it's now 10:30pm)

This roller coaster life that I lead absolutely wears me out sometimes. This blog post is more of a "brain-dump" but it is a start. I just need to share my life, put things in writing, to see for myself where the journey has gone. So much more to go.

Getting Started

Well, this is a first for me. I have been keeping up with several folks by way of blogs and decided maybe it was time to start my own. There are so many things to say, but the title of this blogspot probably tells most of my story - there are some days when I truly wonder if I am staying a step ahead of the game or not.

It's time to leave work and head to my son's last Fall Baseball game for the season. Of course, this would be the coldest day YET!!!

More to come!