New Year's Resolutions

In class Sunday, Keith asked us what our resolutions would be this year, if anything we'd covered in class might be influencing some changes with respect to our teens. My first response was that I usually don't do New Year's resolutions because a choice to make a change should be done anytime during the year. As the discussions unfolded, I started seeing some merit in making intentional, thoughtful changes in the interactions with my teens, so here goes.

My first thought was the changes in how I help them cope with their AD/HD and teaching them the skills they need to compensate. Now that we have completed formal evaluations on both of the children, I have a clearer picture of what makes them who they are. I can see now that organization and a plan for academic prep is their biggest struggle. While Keith may say "that's teenager", I have been shown by the testing that this is much more pronounced in both our kids. We have to approach this with intention to equip them now to handle this in order that they may have fewer stumbling blocks down the road.

But other things that the class was sharing has equal importance. Intentional teaching of life skills (cooking, cleaning, caring for themselves) things that we have put on the "back burner" for way too long. Intentionally engaging them in conversations about the things they value, spend time doing. Intentionally engaging them in conversations about their spiritual walk, struggles, and concerns.

As it would be, God started us on this last one yesterday. Cait was wondering if Mary, Judas, and Peter had choices. Did Mary have the choice not to conceive Jesus? Did Judas have a choice not to betray Jesus? Did Peter have a choice not to deny Jesus? If so, and they had made other choices, then how would things have turned out?

What a great way to start these resolutions!!!

pics from our day!

Our first Christmas in our new home! The tree is slightly "undone" but only I would notice the difference so it's ok. The kids were excited to FINALLY have a fireplace to hang stockings so we HAD to get new ones this year. I let them pick and went from there with the rest of the mantle decorations. (Rick's had to be place on the floor because his hanger was damaged in a slight "mishap!!) We had our first fire later that day with real wood - the kids' choice as well.

The pic of the kids is their reaction to opening tickets for the four of us to see "Trans-Siberian Orchestra" in concert New Year's Eve!!! They are both HUGE fans and were excited to discover they INDEED had tickets to go!

A hurry to a quiet Christmas

Well, the cleaning all done, the baking, etc finished and the BIG family event come and gone!!! All and all - this was a good time! I did get all my goodies made, but the tree did not quite get finished. It is up and mostly decorated but 2 of the 4 strands of lights have gone out and no one was ever up to putting the finishing touches on (popcorn/cranberry garland, tinsel, etc) I just resigned my self to let it go.

We had a great time with Rick's family - all 37 people in our house for about 8 hrs Saturday. Many comments on the goodies I added to the myriad of treats that were brought (we are a CoC family, so we KNOW how the 'pot luck"!!) We also received several odd comments on the fact that we have no tv in the living area! Several were stunned that we could do that.

Our extensive counter space allowed for great buffet area - my breakfast bar was FULL of sweets and desserts. There was an abundance of food and family but it was a great time too. It was so good to have Josh with us again. Even better to have alot of us together the next day for his baptism. As Rick said, he has been on a journey - what a great way to celebrate the start of a new journey.

With all the major hustle and bustle building up to the family event, the preparation for our own Christmas celebration was a little quieter. I was absolutely worn out, so the slower pace was very welcomed. I made one trip to take care of the last of the errands, but then we just simply spent a quiet evening at home - just the four of us. As Cait nears graduation, I am fully aware that these times are becoming very precious. We didn't do anything spectacular - we were just quiet and together, both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

We expect to have my parents here Thurs-Sat for their Christmas visit. Rick is at work and the kids and I are just being lazy together. That's a nice place to be given the general state of hurriedness that overtakes us most of the time.

I hope your Christmas was a good time with friends and family - as it should be.

Christmas Vacation!!!

One of the best perks of working for an educational institution - time off at Christmas!! I am now on vacation until Jan 2nd!!! I am on leave this coming week, then the university has us on holiday the remaining time. Not a bad deal - use 5 days leave and be gone from work 21/2 weeks!!!!

This year, Rick & I are much further along in the Christmas game than I think we have EVER been in 20 years!! Most of the shopping is already done, and we have started the wrapping, too. We are getting the tree (real-Frazier Fir) tomorrow so all will be completely decorated by Monday. Since our history is to be finishing in a MAD DASH Christmas eve, I'd say we're in good shape!!

The other events of the season - Wednesday is our 20th wedding anniversary (still difficult to fathom). Then Thursday Sean is bringing kids home from school and having an "open ended" party for his 14th. Rick and I are night-owls, so we have not set a specific time limit. I think the kids will fizzle out before we do!!

This year we will be hosting Rick's family for the Christmas get together Saturday, Dec 22. At last count, 30+ folks in the house for the day!!!! I get overwhelmed at times, but I think it will be fun to have family over for the first time (never had the room - and may not now!!!) But there is definitely more room than ever before, so we're taking the plunge.

Having guests in your home is a GREAT motivator to getting things straightened up at the house. Since some of Rick's family has never seen the house AND since there will be so many, we are REALLY cleaning up so that the whole house can be opened and available.

I am REALLY looking forward to this time!!!

Cait's testing

We had our appointment Tuesday to meet with the psychologist and go over her test results. We are waiting on the final written document, but basically, most of what we knew was confirmed - Cait is gifted and AD/HD (inattentive). Her struggles in school can be directly related to organization and study skills deficiencies - she has the intellect just does not know how to take the info and manage details when tested on them.

One thing I brought to this meeting with me was Cait's ACT scores. I had intentionally asked her not to prepare. With her AD/HD, I wanted to know "what's your base-line ability?" knowing she could always retake it. Well the doctor was surprised at this when I showed the results of a 27 composite. It only strengthened her assessment of Cait. Intellectually, she was more than capable of doing much better in school - NOW we are going to address what is holding her back.

Cait had actually been encouraged by ACT scores, making plans to study and retake Fall '08. I think getting her organizational and study skills in better tune before then will also strengthen her confidence. I've seen glimmers of "Oh, now this all makes sense..." but things will be much clearer once the skills are in place.

Overwhelmed!

As I was drafting my last post, I discovered that a sweet family at church is dealing with health and wellness crisis to the point of their 12 mth old being admitted to the hospital. My heart was filled with compassion for them - how little are my issues when they are dealing with the physical health of one so little, so helpless. I thought "Surely I can run some soup by their house, drop off some puzzle book or gum or something to the hospital for the mom." Just a little way of letting this sweet young family know they were not in this alone. No long term, drawn out affair - just a sign to let them know that others were there. My life is not so busy that I could not spare a few minutes for compassion to others.

As it turned out, that was not to take place. As I was putting on some ingredients to start some soup, I realized I had missed a call on my cell. A call from another young mother asking that I not do these things. The family was being taken care of - to "just pray, pray, pray". My first reaction was purely selfish - "but I want to help, only for a moment, just to step outside of my world, my own selfishness, even for a moment."

So often over the last several years, I have felt completely consumed by all the drama that seems to take place in my life. I find it difficult to even explain the fullness of the upheaval. I have felt isolated by my world of chaos, so consumed by these problems that I have managed to disconnect my emotions from the other hurt that goes on in this world. Then this prick of compassion for the hurt of this young mother and all the drama taking place in her world - I understood this. I understood the overwhelming emotions such chaos could bring. I also understood the helplessness that can evolve. For once, after such a long time, I looked outwardly, to another's pain and had the desire to reach out.

Now, almost 24 hrs later, I am still wanting to reach out, but I will abide by what I have been asked to do. I will continue to pray for healing of this precious little one, as I have done since I found out. There is a part of me that yearns to reach out, but I will respect the request that was made of me. I feel so overwhelmed and helpless, in my own world, and now in this outwardly moment.

Please pray for this young family and the strength of those that are tending to them.

Please pray

Well, it seems like we take two steps forward then fall flat on our backsides!

Just as things were picking up with the kids schooling, getting MUCH better with Rick's work, etc we had a major backslide this week. Sean's behavior escalated from lying, to inappropriate language at school (resulting in a one day suspension), to physically hitting his sister with drumsticks that were in his hand because he got angry.

Please pray that God will continue to guide us in dealing with this (as he has thus far). Sean is a GREAT kid at heart, but is in utter turmoil. He is very remorseful for all that has gone on in the last week, which we are very greatful to see, but at a total loss as to why it happened. He is AD/HD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). He is impulsive, and his anger overwhelms him so that he reacts without any thought about the outcome. His heart aches if he dwells on what he did to his sister. He is remorseful that his words were so awfully interpreted at school. To know that our trust in him is damaged is hurtful.

Keith recommended we surround him with men of even temper to mentor him - teenage boys need so much guidance. I love this idea, but I fear that Sean will be too embarrassed to agree - he is so ashamed of what he has done. Please pray that he will open himself to this wisdom and guidance.

How do I teach this two-sided being that is my child - loves to hug (even now), kind and courteous to even the smallest of beings, but acts so rashly and is so blinded by anger that he is completely the opposite? He wants to obey, but struggles with understanding boundaries and limitations.

Please keep him (and us) in your prayers. Pray that his relationship with his sister can be repaired. Pray that we can hear God's wisdom in his guidance for us as parents.